I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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