So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
