My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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