I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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