I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
