I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to fling myself into the sun
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
