If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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