You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
