I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
