I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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