I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bring money and cleavage
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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