If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
