The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
