; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
