If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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