I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am spending my child support on dildos
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
