It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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