pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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