help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
