Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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