i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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