so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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