im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
