Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
