My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
