She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
