That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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