How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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