my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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