I think my fart just growled at me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
