It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Drake has all the answers
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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