I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You left your phone here
Wait...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
