billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
