OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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