my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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