all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
