Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
