I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
