onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
