so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
