so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They have beer where we have blood.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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