Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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