sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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