That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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