i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
