I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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