i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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