I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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