I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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