Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
