I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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