no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
