Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
