They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
