He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
