You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
