I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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